Wednesday, December 26, 2012

38 The confined flames of Mabon

38 The confined flames of Mabon
Friday September 21, 2012:
"O restless leaf of autumn's blaze,
Release your hold and tumble down.
Settle on the cooling earth,
Now that summer's gone.
Mabon Blessings.
Equinox Regents Park
As we walk along Baker Street, heading for the Park, it begins to rain. I
introduce my visually impaired companion to rotating cones, which she is
very excited about. Finally, we find our way to a little Del by a green
pond with a bubbling outflow. We are surrounded by trees and hedges and
can't really be seen.
We cast and call. Wood pigeon comes. So does dragon. And here is the wise
salmon, kissing the surface of the water, and the bear. Welcome all.
I sit with a lit candle in a jar in my hands. Its warmth reminds me that the
sun declines but will return again as the wheel turns on.
Our first task in circle is to jettison what we no longer need. I decide to
take a boat journey across the pond. My boat rocks gently as I step into it.
Carefully sitting down, I cast off from the shore and steer the boat out
into the green water. It's dark and quiet. I want to let go my anxiety.
A goose appears and fights me for it. With a great many honking and
fluttering of wings, the goose hisses and spits as she tries to wrestle my
anxiety from me. I don't want to let it go because I know it, and it stops
me doing something new and different. In the end, the goose wins and swims
triumphantly off with it, as my anxiety struggles in resistance.
My boat bobs lightly on the pond. You know, it feels so much better without
that great Burdon of having to feel anxious all the time, and no longer
having to let that anxiety dictate to me. I feel much lighter.
I sit peacefully on the bank overlooking the pond. I really want to keep my
promises to myself. I really want not to be disheartened when I don't and
to never give up. I want never to tire of persisting, for I will win in the
end, I know that.
"It is an ultimate act of self-love that I purposefully plan and keep
promises I make to myself," I tell myself. Can I start with promising to
like and admire myself?
We breathe for the folk of the place who ask that we help heal the sickness
in the pond. The pond is clogged with green algae. Life finds it hard to
exist. We breathe and breathe and I feel like beginning to move slightly in
the depths of the pond. The geese, in a great hooting flock, flutter down
in a scirring of wings to peck away at the algae.
The flame in the jar glows warmly in my palm. I stroke the hot glass. I am
comforted by the warmth. Reluctantly, I raise it to my lips and blow it out.

Our work done, we open the circle and make to leave. The air is rapidly
cooling in the solid rain. I pull up my hood against its incessant
onslaught.
Queens Wood equinox
Saturday September 22, 2012:
The sun shafts through the trees, fingering me with its latent warmth as I
stand in circle amongst them. The birds in the canopy are quiet. The
children in the nearby clearing are not. Still, we continue.
We give thanks for what we have, our harvest. What's mine? This mood I am
in. This joy in being in the woods once more. The ecstasy of being a queer
pagan.
The earth is perfumed sweetly with the newly fallen leaves of autumn. A
soft, dusty mushrooming greenness comes to me with gentleness. I breathe in
deeply.
Crouching down, I search for tokens to embody what I want to let go of. We
sing and walk quietly on the cool damp earth. I pick up pieces of wood and
feel their shapes and textures with cool dexterous fingers. I give my woes
to the pieces of wood and cast away anxiety as I cast away addictions and
broken promises.
In casting away, there becomes room for gratitude. This is the heart of
Mabon working. I give thanks for the group and the woods in which we work.
But what will sustain me as the winter arrives. What will fit me during the
dark cold nights before the sun returns? I talk about wanting to walk The
Thames from source to sea and finding a partner to do that with. I also
talk about entering upon a 12 steps path and making a commitment to it.
Something warmly leans against my leg. The low sun reaches in through the
trees to touch me once more. It's fire is cooling now. AS we move towards
the autumnal dark, I feel my fire quest, moving towards its natural end.

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