43 Farewell to fire

43 Farewell to fire
Wednesday December 26, 2012:
Yesterday morning, I set fire to my cooker. Happy Christmas! I don't know
how it happens. Suddenly, there is an unquenchable fire on the cooker hob.
I poke it with a curious digit and burning plastic moulds itself to my
Braille reading finger. I prod it with a dish cloth, but it sets the cloth
on fire. I throw water on it but it still continues to burn.
No, nothing for it but to abandon independence and run for help. I run for
my neighbour who is handily sighted and relatively sensible. Together, we
finally extinguish the fire and further disaster is averted. Phew!
The blackened melted plastic thing that is stuck to the hob is totally
unrecognisable. I check my plastic lids and utensils, no, none are missing.
I'm careful about cooking. Because I am blind, I check things are on the hob
properly and nothing is sticking out. I check there is no stray utensil
lying around under the griddle. So how did this happen?
I had just eaten my scrambled eggs. I was thinking about getting down to the
review of my pilgrimage with fire - the task for this retreat. I think,
"I'll just do the washing up and make some coffee ..." and whoosh!
I fill a small bowl with water and drop some lavender oil into it. I immerse
my sore and throbbing finger. Ah, immediate relief. I can almost feel the
skin mending.
I open the PC folder with the fire pieces in. Hmm - it's a bit sporadic.
There are some which aren't really part of fire and which are out of
sequence. I sort them out first.
Then I open the file, "1 Playing with fire". This is what I promised I would
do. Hmmm, well I've not done most of those things. Have I failed? No, I've
made a different journey.
So am I done? Is fire finished? Since it's pretty much been raining more
than less since April, I think that fire might have finished with me.
I have started to think about what I might do with water but have been
easily deflected by the obstacles.
What I really want to do is a pilgrimage from source to sea of the Great
River Thames. But I can't find a walking partner. Plan B is to just cross
all the bridges, but there are hundreds. This might be more manageable
though. Is there a plan C?
You know, I 'm a bit frightened of water. I'm scared that it will involve
feelings. I think I've had enough of feelings this year, what with the
ongoing depression and worries over money, my career, political
disappointments and what I will finally do when I grow up.
I could pilgrimage to wells. I could take the waters? I could visit waters
like seas, rivers, lakes and ponds? I could explore water goddesses and
connect with them?
I read the bit about different kinds of magical fires. Oh well, I did none
of that. Huh, see - failure, that's what.
Then I read the rest of the entries. Oo, I learned to make fire - and
actually I'm quite confident about fires now. I did a lot of fire
exploration - oh I think I've done fire in my own special way.
It's not been academic. It's not even been deeply magical but it has been
profound, and that's all that matters.
I like the way I write. I think I've really got my describing tongue around
some of the images. I think I've crafted fine pieces with relative ease. I
think this will do.
So ... farewell fire. Thank you for having me.
I stand on the edge of water. I must simply let go of my fear and dive in,
after all, I like swimming. I am a water baby and a Scorpio, what's not to
like about water?
Splash! ,